I can still recall when I wrote that poem, over two years ago now! I had been thinking about love, our need to give and receive love, even our need for a relationship with the living God...
1 John 4:8b
...because God is love.
If people would only acknowledge this truth, if I had only understood this in my youth, then would I have turned to the risen Lord and not have wearied myself by lifting every burdensome stone seeking rest, but finding none. I was at the time of writing recalling my past, considering my present and pondering my future... all whilst pouring out my complaint before the Lord. I was confessing something along the lines of...
Oh Lord, if only people were faithful and lovers were true. For though their words are more sweeter than honey.. delighting the soul, their deeds are as bitter as wormwood, and crueler than gall.
Can’t each one of us recall the sweet words of a friend, or the praises of a lover, who speaking great and lofty words of affection promised much, but delivered little? Whose aroma momentarily having filled the room, turned and stank betrayed by their oft cooing glances towards another.
Until their words became loathsome to the ear, and as excrement caught the arch of a shoe, too grievous to bare.
Who cry for their lovers as doves upon the roof tops, sniffing the air as the ass for one who would play. Who like silly birds wandering from their own nest, leave the beating heart of their vows to the serpent, and for the young ravens and carrion to play.
Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth, and a foot out of joint.
Anyway, there I was... complaining about everyone else but myself, pointing the finger and pouring-out my accusations before the Lord...
Oh Lord, if only one could be true, if only one among a thousand could be found with a sacrificial heart... who would keep their vows even when it hurts! Then might a man find peace, then might he gather strength about himself and rise over circumstance. Is it asking too much Lord, that faithfulness might be proven by deeds rather than words, that true love might be forged in the flames of sacrifice, and not merely feigned by spoken words?... It is all that I ask Lord...
And whilst I was making my accusations before God, He broke in and broke my heart also, when He whispered the words...
Yes Karl, it is all that I have asked, all that I have desired of you...
If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.
Then did I understand my fault, and my error was made manifest before me. When I remembered the wonderful promises once made, when long ago I had declared my undying love for Him, a love I had been sure would bare such vows unbroken to the grave.
Which like old love letters just discovered, penned long ago to those now wronged, vehemently testify against me that all of my words of promise, have all been left undone.
Then did I understand that I was no better than the faithless, in fact much worse. For having declared a knowledge of God, I couldn’t even cover myself with the cloak of ignorance. In that moment I felt like a child, whom standing before his parents with a sweet bar wrapper still stuck to the sole of his foot, mumbled...
No father, I neither know where all of the sweets have gone, nor why my soul is so downcast before you!
Then I remembered that God can not be mocked...
2 Samuel 22:26-27
26 - With the merciful thou wilt shew thyself merciful, and with the upright man thou wilt shew thyself upright.
27 - With the pure thou wilt shew thyself pure; and with the froward thou wilt shew thyself unsavoury.
Yet there is more hope for the believer than the faithless, for though we fail Him in the morning and our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts... who can see the finished work of His patience at the end of day. For when His work is complete, and we walk pleasing in His sight, in both thought and deed, then our hearts shall not condemn us, and whatsoever we ask for He will give, because our desires will have become His desires, and our thoughts His thoughts.
1 John 3:20
20 - For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things.
21 - Beloved, if our heart condemn us not, then have we confidence toward God.
22 - And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight.
I know I have some ways to go yet, but this I can say...
That once long ago, God gazed upon a lifeless corpse that had cast itself, filthy and torn upon His feet.
And taking it up into His loving arms, tenderly wiped away the filth of a disgusting life before breathing into it’s nostrils His breath of life, and then I opened my eyes to behold my saviour’s gazing back at me!
I was dead but now I am alive! And though some take to this new path naturally, others such as myself may stumble at times and fall headlong into the thorns and thickets by the way, but I am confident of this...
...that he who has begun a good work in me will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:
And this He will do for you also, if you turn to Him with all of your heart!
Therefore I counsel you to turn to Him today, who has healing in His wings.
For you know that He loves you, and has been calling you. Because it was you He held in His heart on that day, so long ago when He suffered His temptation upon the mount, yet for your sakes He roused Himself, setting His face like flint towards Jerusalem and the Cross, that God being a man might pay the price for the sin of a man, even death... that you might go free!
11 - For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
12 - Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.
13 - And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.